Tuesday morning- putting on my makeup and driving at the same time- pull up to a light and stop behind a school bus of blond 8 year old boys who immediately started smiling and waving. Couldn't help it- my work face cracked and I smiled and waved back. 11:30am- business partner emails me confirmation of our first client who is interested in working with us long term. After work we sit in the heartland- celebrating over a goat cheese salad and a glass of wine. End of the day- pick up the mail to find a check for a $500 dollar donation enclosed and a heartfelt letter from my grandma reassuring me to boldly take on life's challenges. Tuesday night- after ultimate frisbee practice with my team- meet with friends and go lounge on a rooftop in uptown- warm night with lights dotting the rooftops. we sit laughing and celebrating our successful bid for peace event. We discover we raised about $1500, and agree the event overall provided a fantastic evening of ultimate frisbee. With hushed excitement we discussed how to make it bigger and better next year. Wednesday morning last day at work- while closing up all the loose ends in legal and taking apart my cube- 10:30am called down to the Medtronic corporate communications office and offered a high-opportunity job. Experience feeling valued and wanted by a company I have invested so much into. Spent the rest of the day completing my litigation work and thanking my coworkers for all that they taught me and supported me in. One mentor cleared his schedule to have lunch with me. Some of my coworkers gave me flowers and good luck cards and food that fits within my sugar free diet. Many expressed excitement i would be coming back to the company in a different capacity. After work call my dad- he tells me how proud of me he is. Wednesday night- sit on the front steps of matt's house, waiting to drop of a thank you gift and enjoying the smells of his street-side garden. Later, at home with my roommates joking. I write my last rent check and close the door on that financial responsibility. The place is filled with the smell of clean laundry. John brings over "whatever I most want to eat for dinner"- which happened to be Indian. Pack for Israel- wake up at 4:30am and arrive more than an hour ahead of my flight- enjoyed an omelette for breakfast at the French meadow bakery while texting Lydia in china. Chicago- 9:30 am- buy gifts for the host family I am staying with in Jerusalem- so reassured by the notion of being picked up from the airport in tel aviv. Recommend the book "proof of heaven" to a fellow customer. Take out my camera and tri-pod and capture some stunner shots of the O'Hare's underground tunnel- a tunnel I historically have always wanted to take pictures of but in the past didn't have the time or the camera. My mom texts me and congratulates me for fulfilling a dream come true. She's right- this trip is. This whole life is. And now I am sitting on the plane next to a very sunny window- blue sky and blue water above and below me.
And amidst all of the experiences detailed above- I was stressed. I was worried and anxious and experienced guilt. There is so much left to do and be done- so many things I am not tending to. I worry about letting people down, about my finances and how i am chronically late. I get scared in the face of uncertainty. Maybe I am totally crazy?
And yet hear I am- on a romantic quest I dreamed up this winter and now with a community of support around me I am fulfilling on. Who would ever have thought it would actually morph into reality? I fly alone yet I feel loved from all angles. My thoughts are dissolving into something along the lines of- maybe everything is intended to work out in the end. Even if its in a messy, unexpected sort if way.
It would be disingenuous for me to say anything else: I am actively living a life that I love. I have the richest and most wonderful of relationships with my friends, family and boyfriend. I have several impending -and exciting career prospects. I am on a wild adventure- fulfilling on a calling and doing something I love, going back to a country I love. I have no idea what is in store for me but I am open to the possibility.
God has no doubt been at work in my life. Through change and challenge over the last year I have been inspired, humbled, thought new thoughts and dreamed new dreams. I have let go of addictions and inadequacies, only to be faced with new ones. He has brought palatable joy into my life- fulfillment. He has blessed me with the best of people. There is no way I can give back to him all he has given me, so I just hope to continue to make my life sing and dance along the way as a tribute. I do know I am in ardent search of living this life out to a threadbare state of a well-loved stuffed animal. And therefore I bring my rigorous inquiry abroad of how best to contribute to A humanity created in God's image. If we are at all a reflection he is a beautiful being indeed.
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