Do you ever have that feeling that the things you rely on in life are crumbling down around you? That you have failed miserably at prioritizing what is truly important? That is my experience currently. And! My life is going really great! But my lifestyle is not sustainable.
I have had wild successes in my life recently. I have thrown myself into my current job, getting to work on some really cool projects and initiatives. I also got to go to TEDMED, which was a wild and crazy adventure I will never forget. With the help of many loved ones and friends I have raised $3000 dollars to go to Israel, with a huge fundraiser this summer upcoming to raise more. I am coaching my High School frisbee team and am succeeding at that- or at least investing lots of energy in it (which I love). I am flying to London in a week and a half which is beyond exciting. My relationship with John is going very well and we are on the same page and having a lot of fun together.
On the other hand! I feel I have let down my start-up and am not putting enough time into it, I am barely doing enough to support and love my immediate family, along with barely doing enough to satisfy my roomates around the house. I have definitely not been keeping up on this blog (for the first time this whole year! I have fallen behind this last month after doing it so religiously for 9 months!). And I am terrified because I still do not have a job to step into starting in July. I have not been in communication with or really taken the time to hang out with my close friends much. I have a seemingly insurmountable to-do list that I worry constantly misses some of the things I am responsible for. And I am not prioritizing my health lately either! And then- of course- what about God?
I met with a female business leader I admire greatly who shared this thought with me: "Do not strive for a balanced life. Strive for an integrated life." I loved that message, because I don't see balance as something even remotely possible. But integrated, maybe. How do I integrate prioritizing what is important- daily responsibilities, love for others, love for God- while striving for all of my big plans? Ambitions? How do I transition my feelings of being overwhelmed into dancing through life with a sense of ease, accomplishment and unity with the divine?
And I have nothing to complain about- really. Life is going really well for all outward appearances. I am just not following through on all I have committed to. I am not managing my time or money effectively. And I am realizing that when I do not feel on top of the multitude of things I am looking to prioritize I experience being disenchanted.
So that is where I am right now- and my experience. My eyes are open and watching to Miracles, and I am curious about what God has in store for me and is looking to teach me right now in my life.