My life's Mission

“We want to do more than plod through life, going to work, coming home from work. We want to find that special joy, “That no one can take from us.” Which comes from having a sense of Mission in our life. We want to feel we were put on this earth for some special purpose, to do some unique work that only we can accomplish. We want to know what our mission is” –Richard N. Bolles

One year ago tomorrow was a big day for me. After a frustrating day at work leaving me questioning my career and vocation, I went to find a sanctuary to spend some time thinking and praying in (this is one of my favorite ways to connect with God- to be alone and silent in an empty church). I went to several churches in Minneapolis, and found that most closed their sanctuaries after 5:00pm. Finally, I discovered the Hennepin Avenue United Methodist church. I wandered into the dark sanctuary, round in design with a brilliant 8 point star capping the ceiling and permitting small bits of light to filter in from the above steeple.

I sat there engulfed by the dark church, scared first, then excited, then finally calming down. The room reverberated with an intense presence, as if the room was pulsing with something invisible rather than empty. My thoughts cleared, my worries calmed.

I then began an exercise suggested to me by a coworker: sit quietly with a piece of paper, and write down the words that come to you- that inspire you. So I began- with the hope that these words would help me find some direction, some clearer path to follow. Some of the words that covered the page included: happiness, inspiring love and compassion, writing, orating, growth, bold leadership, uniting others, people, mind, natural beauty. Then, after sitting and praying with these words in front of me for several minutes, with a quiet mind and openness to God, new words echoed in between my ears: “Fostering Community in Israel”. The longer I sat with the words the more sure I became that they were the ones I was supposed to hear. I was elated and terrified, confident of the message but unsure of the meaning or how to carry it out. I left the church with new conviction and confidence.

This experience catapulted me into a year of searching. This blog was a reaction to that experience, as well as many conversations with pastors, friends, family and strangers. I have gone all over the spectrum with reacting to that statement “Fostering community in Israel”- from pushing to move over to Israel for a year ASAP to pretending this revelation did not occur and just going on with my life.

I mean Israel? Out of all the places… I mean when I was in Israel I was definitely drawn to the country, the people. But put my life towards it? Have it be a part of my vocation? I’m still wrestling with that- Israel was never a part of my long term plan. In fact, Israel literally means: “To wrestle with God” according to my pastor. The irony is not lost on me.

What I am present to right now is frustration. The last year now doubt has been made in my relationship with God, I feel I have been tested in a variety of ways in the last year- in the arenas of money, personal relationships, career, time management, successes and failures. I have practiced patience, faith, compassion. I have been humbled and have failed at things I have set out to do. I have learned the bible better, stepped into a faith community, served others.

Yet I am still in the same job, experiencing the similar worries, still wondering what is next for me, feeling like although I have learned a lot where I am that my work at Medtronic is not it for me. And I genuinely want to serve, to commit my life to making a difference. But I also am still unsure, scared, questioning. I wonder sometimes if I am just full of myself- who am I to think I can save the world and demand from God to live an extraordinary life of service? Do I even have what it takes?

My pastor suggested I just consider ‘going’ to Israel- to see what I experience. It has been a year and I haven’t even accomplished that! I am scared to! I do not know what I would be doing there. I don’t logistically know how to make it work!

So that is where I am on my faith journey right now. My path feels more circular than linear. I have more questions than answers, more problems than solutions.

I think I need to continue to look to God and the community of people around me. To be open, do my best to be patient, be willing to have faith, be fearless. To not only talk about my faith but live my faith out. And even if it is uncomfortable, I will continue to wrestle with my confusion, my worries and insecurities. Because it is worth it to me to have a bigger picture dictate my life rather than those types of thoughts. And I will keep my eyes open for the impending miracle.

“When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.” –Helen Keller

It Is Up To You

Have you ever heard yourself saying; "the world is this a dark place" or "there is so much bad happening in the world..." The evidence is easy to find- take a quick look at national news or crime stats and you will see there are plenty of awful things happening. In philosophy when I studied the concept of evil- it was easy to get discouraged about the fate of the world and humanity. Part of why I think I find fault in the world is because I see it in myself. I know I have many shortcomings- I am sometimes selfish, self-pitying, critical of others. I sometimes prioritize behaviors that are not healthy or god-seeking. I have empathy for how people can treat one another poorly or be overcome by their own agendas.

Yet I think it is a mistake to write off the world even with all the negative. I think it is easy to react by saying- "well really what can I do? The difference I would make would be so small in the grand scheme of things." In response to thoughts like this I think the below verse is essential:

⁸ Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ⁹ Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. ¹⁰ Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. ¹¹ If anyone speaks, they should do so as done who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. - Peter 5:8-11

The Blind Side is a fantastic movie about someone upper class
really being unreasonable and making all the difference in
the world with her adopted son

This verse when I think truly absorbed is inspiring and terrifying at the same time. It claims every word we utter, every action we take is the difference the world needs- is the very stuff that generates the good in the world. What would the world be like if you took responsibility for generating good, bringing good to the world? If you related to yourself as the one who needs to make the difference?

One of my exemplars who I think really practiced this was mother Teresa. In reading her writing regularly, I have found not only did she take responsibility for the difference she could make every day, in some of the dirtiest and impoverished slums in the world, but she also encouraged others to make the difference they could in their own communities. Here are two of her quotes that I find pertinent to this discussion of doing good:

 "  Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. "

" Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action. "

Mother Teresa 

In light of these collections of thoughts- the main message here is that generating good in the world is up to each of us individually. It is our responsibility- my responsibility to make the difference. How often are we willing to look at our relationship to others, to our community and the world this way?

What can each of us do this week to generate genuine good? Here are some thoughts on behaviors/actions that could make the difference:

-call someone you have a grudge against and forgive them 

-rearrange your schedule to serve someone you love or a stranger to fulfill a need

-quiet your mind and spend some time generously listening to those who you talk to every day

-thank someone for the difference they make in your life

-smile and be generous in action and conversation to the strangers you run into day to day

-apologize to someone for a way you have wronged them and make amends

-make someone's day
-Tell someone that you don't usually that you love them

These are just a couple ideas... maybe readers can suggest some other habits/actions to contribute to this list?

Communication as Healing

 

“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”
-Proverbs 12:18

True to my extravert nature, I am a talker. I think out loud, I’m happiest when writing or exchanging dialogue (I don’t think any of this will be a surprise to anyone who reads this blog or knows me). I feel, I express, I have so many things on my mind I want to synthesize and share. I want to become better at saying things that matter, that make a difference- rather than a lot of fluff. Some people when they speak their words resonate with power. What makes that difference?

Right now, I want to focus however on the above verse, about how wise words bring healing. I have all sorts of things I think about this, could say about this. For now however, I am going to leave it as a meditation point. This week I am going to do my best to say less, and then when I do say something, have my words be centered on bringing healing/health to whomever I am speaking to. I am also going to watch in my life for people who are good at this- who are concise and truly giving in their sharing.

 I know many people in my life right now who are dealing with real tragedy- real tough events in their lives. With different forms of conflict, death and tragedy. Something with the month of January seems to be stirring up things for others. Tragedy has been a part of my life in the past, but is not something I am suffering from intensely now. I feel therefore it is me who needs to be rigorously active in the lives of those who need it, as others were for me in the past. I hope and pray to be able to use my words to heal and support others in their unique trials.

I would love to hear other’s thoughts on what this means to them: who do you know who often uses words as healing? Who often speaks from wisdom? Why is this an important thought/idea? How can it be better applied in our lives?

James 1:19My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.

Everyday God

I think it is natural for us to call on God in the highs and the lows of life. We celebrate him at our happiest moments, after successes or triumphs in life. We also call on him when we are feeling lost and/or afraid. Indeed, many people first develop their faiths at times like this- when God is needed in the picture- after a death or disappointment or during some life trial. During these peaks I know I find myself praying more often- I felt very intimately close to God during the deaths and major breakups I have experienced. I also have felt close to him during the peaks of joy in my life- those times where I am witnessing beauty or love in action- those times that make you want to sing or shout or say hallelujah!

Recently I’ve been asking myself however about faith in every day. How do we connect with God on the unremarkable days? When the emotional fuel isn’t there for us to call out to him in some sort of exclamation? And how can we turn the normal days into those where our relationship with God flourishes? I remember thinking the other day- my days are so busy, how am I supposed to fit God in?

I have heard the following declared of Buddhism- “Buddhism is not a religion it is a way of life.” I could spend a lot of time comparing and contrasting Buddhism and Christianity, and why in recent decades the two traditions have melded for many Western believers (see this link if you are interested in reading more about this http://buddhist-christian.org/ ). The point of bringing it up however is more to reflect on what it is to have a faith as a ‘lifestyle’. In the Webster dictionary, lifestyle is defined as:

“A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group”

Christianity for me has historically not been a lifestyle. I went to church and confirmation, but otherwise I would just keep on living my life my way. I didn’t know what it really meant to have God in your everyday life or to live out your faith. God came up in prayer, on holidays and in church, and that was it. It took me going to St. Olaf to really learn what it was having God being a part of your daily life- he was with me in the chapel, in discussions with my friends, in class, in the music, in the wind chimes, in the trees, even abroad.

For modern day Christians who also struggle to resolve their faith being a part of their regular daily life- I believe WWJD movement was a brilliant solution. Too bad the bracelets became cliché and now are a thing of the hippies J.  However the concept is great: have something on your person, reminding every day to live your life in a way that reflects your values, faith and the bigger picture. What would Jesus do if he were me and were here right now? That is a profound question, as I think it recognizes the human/divine relationship brewing within all of us. And ultimately- I think recognizing “who Jesus was” is to turn outward and have compassion and affinity for those around us- family, friends and strangers alike. Ultimately, I see the “What Would Jesus Do?” drive as a reminder of simply doing good. Another way to say this is having your “Faith in Action”.

Another angle of having God being a part of daily life I believe has to do with prayer. Prayer is our communication portal with God- it turns faith from a conversation with ourselves in our heads to a conversation with God. My pastor a couple months ago did a lecture on prayer for our church’s small group. One of the things he said that struck me was- “I would much rather you prayed 4-5 times a day for a minute than 5 minutes at the end of the day.” This struck me as a very different experience of faith, because instead of communicating with God at the beginning or end of your day in a time of silent reflection, you rather would be sharing with him throughout the busy-ness of the day.

I will say in this regard we Christians may have something to learn from Muslims, whose culture revolves around setting aside 5 times during the day for prayer. The call to prayer in a Muslim city is a beautiful and eerie sound- I wrote an essay about it once titled “Turkish Dawn” if anyone is interested in it. The noise and the dust swirling reverberates in you and seems to whisper ‘God is here! God is around us! Remember him!” Again, a deeper discussion would be needed looking at whether five 10-15 minute prayer sessions a day is really necessary/ideal for faith (I don’t know the answer to this), but again- this practice really does bring God into the everyday life.

So far, this leaves me with two possibilities for bringing God into the everyday and regular. One: regularly considering my faith and letting it seep into my every day actions and decisions (simply put WWJD). Two: pray and meditate in multiple spurts throughout the day. Take prayer out of the bedroom, and have it be a part of my everyday life.

I think there is one more method worth mentioning of having an everyday relationship with God. And that is the act of celebrating. Another way to put this is to practice finding joy in life, or rejoicing in your circumstances. Try this: any time a complaint touches your lips or filters into your mind- stop. Breathe. And then consider “How can I rejoice in this situation?” Here is another method my dad recently recommended to me in practicing joy- stretch your hands above your head and look up for AT LEAST 30 seconds. Honestly every time I do this I can’t help smiling at the end, despite my best efforts.

 I know several people in my life who are exemplars of really finding joy in life and embracing what comes at you. My father, Jim Running, Lydia Pfotenhauer and Nate Bloomenshine are a few that come to mind. These are the type of people who regularly say “This is great! Isn’t this great?!” or even when they are disappointed are able to see a glimmer of good in the circumstances or what is to come. And from appearances at least, these people are really those who I would point to as examples of those who are living out their faith daily- as they have made it a habit to celebrate living and God.

I think there are many ways to celebrate life every day; whether through artistic expression, singing in the car, hugging someone, just even smiling or looking someone in the eyes or doing something ridiculous like yelling wohoo! out loud. And by celebrating our circumstances and life, we are directly celebrating God and what he has given us. It is part of why one of my new year’s resolutions is just going for a walk once a month, and reveling in the world God has created and its beauty. We show love to him by rejoicing in our day, circumstances, others and surroundings.

Ultimately for me, the point of having an everyday God relationship is to make my faith authentic and real. As much as I love talking about faith and going to church, it would feel hypocritical to me if that was the majority of my faith. I want my faith rather to be a lifestyle- a way of walking more than a way of talking. And although the starbursts of faith in the highs and lows of life are important (and sometimes life changing)- I want to develop the habit and muscle of having my spirituality be a genuine part of who I am and what I do every day.
 

And I imagine having God in your everyday doesn’t have to be a lot of work, or effort, it doesn’t have to be a huge sacrifice of time or energy. Rather it is just simply including him day to day by doing good, praying and rejoicing. This everyday relationship will take practice, and as with all habits a mental muscle will need to be built. But in the end I believe this type of faith really would lead to a very different type of life- and faith that is really a lifestyle.

Faith + New Years Resolutions?

The New Year is a natural time to set about life with new goals and ambitions for oneself. The stereotypical American resolutions seem to be: 1) save more money 2) Exercise more 3) spend less  4) Eat less. My family always makes a point of doing New Years resolutions, we came up with five as a family and five each individually. Often times they included things like –Visit one National Park or –De-clutter downstairs garage or something along those lines.

I think the goal setting New Years resolutions provides is important. Its healthy to set out to accomplish things; it gives us drive, purpose, intention and potentially fulfillment if we feel we have accomplished said goal. It also causes us to strive, to reach out for new things in life and grow in the process. I believe goal setting says a lot about people’s character as well- because it answers the question- what is it important for you to achieve in your life? What are you willing to make happen?

Yet I haven’t yet made any formal resolutions this year yet- in part because I am dissatisfied and disenchanted with the process. I am not quite sure why I am making new goals, and also have less faith in my ability to really accomplish them. Plus, given the medley of things I'm already doing in life, why should I take on more?

I think the biggest questionI am left with is WHY am I making New Year’s resolutions? What is really behind it? By, for example, saving more money, what do I believe I am more fundamentally achieving? Some of the answers with this example that come to mind are: newfound sense of security, peace, happiness etc.  MAYBE I would achieve those things, ultimately psychology points to that having more money in the bank does not achieve those things. There seems to be something missing in this whole process.

Over the last couple of days, I have been wondering the part in which God plays in my New Year’s resolutions. How much am I driven to resolve in the New Year to connect with him in a new ways? To better serve him? To more fully practice my faith? My go to approach in New Years resolutions has not been to include him. To be very honest with myself, God plays a very little part in all of my new goals for the year. Rather, the goals I would make are specifically targeted at myself and the quality of my life- and are things I set out to accomplish alone. Are things that I WANT, that I believe will make me happier at the end of the year if I have accomplished them. I am left asking myself how much I am crossing the line between healthy self-development vs. full self-absorption.

I wonder how taking on an attitude of Partnering with God in my new years resolutions would affect the process? Also, how would making resolutions inspired by my faith change the tenure of what I am setting out to achieve in the new year?  What if my new year’s resolutions included a bigger picture than just me? That my goals were motivated primarily by my relationship with God and others?

So here it goes, as an expirement I'm going to make 3 faith driven New Year's resolutions (I might make more faith or non-faith ones in the future, but this is a start). Not in order to be a better person, not just to satisfy myself, but rather in an effort to recognize and contribute to my relationship with God, others and the bigger picture:

 

1) Go on a walk at least once a month with the intention of                                                         relishing and celebrating God's creation/the beauty of the world

2) Pray/Meditate at least once a day- especially focusing on what I am greatful for

3) Show someone once a day that I love them (could be a phone call, act of kindness, letter, favor etc. Also can include new people)

I don't know how these goals will make a difference for me, what I do hope is they somehow make a small spiritual difference- with God and with the lives of others. And that seems to make them actually worthwhile.

Vacation: Creating Space for God

I did a very unusual thing this past week- I took a real, cliche, rejuvinating vacation- on the beach. I flew down to Florida for a week with my aunt and uncle and literally spent a week in the sun with no plans. No Plans! No social plans, no schedule, nothing! If you had asked me why I was going or what inspired me- I couldn't even really articulate a good reason to myself much less out loud. It just seemed like the thing to do.

I am not very good at vacationing naturally. My fear of boredom and needing something to do took over the first part of my week (its kind of pathetic really). I quickly wrote down a list of 25 different things to accomplish- and diligently started tackling my 'fun' list.

Thank goodness the wind and the sun were persistant! The allure of the natural world became too much for me to resist- and eventually I put away my to do list and started to live in the present on my vacation. What do I mean by this? I followed impulse- if I was hungry I ate if I was tired I slept if I was hot I swam and if I was curious I read; and if I wanted to run around in circles and cartwheel on the beach I did that too! In the process I wrote letters and saved the lives of small crabs who had washed up on the beach. I swam in the ocean and spent time playing and giggling with my older cousin Jenny.

Although location made a difference on my trip- I realized how important it was for me to mentally allow myself to go on vacation- to let up on my usual patterns of thinking and allow for the world to filter in and just enjoy- without guilt or shame or need. How rarely I allow myself to do this! And in that shift- that mental quietness- God showed up. The good spiritual forces of the world were close at hand and were dancing around in the birds. And I was so oblivious the first couple of days to the important presence I was witness to.

For the rest of my trip I created three goals for myself:

1) To breathe deeply and clearly
2) To be present and follow healthy intuition
3) To center; with God myself and the world

And man, when I was doing these three things I was so happy! At night I would stand at the edge of the balcony in the warm wind looking at the stars and feel God close around me in the air and the heavens. During the day I would walk down the beach in the glistening sunshine and just smile at the beauty of the sunlight dancing on the thin films of water washing over the shore.


By the end of the vacation I can't say I was left with any grand revelation or new insight. I learned a lot every day through reading and conversation, but nothing that was earth shattering. I guess maybe my biggest accomplishment of the trip is that I didn't finish my list and am ok with it. I came back to the new year and my life at home with a new context, a new perspective highlighted in peace and a feeling that love is all around us in God and in others.

Gift Giving

They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.1 Timothy 6:18-19

As the days on which the Jews got relief from their enemies, and as the month that had been turned for them from sorrow into gladness and from mourning into a holiday; that they should make them days of feasting and gladness, days for sending gifts of food to one another and gifts to the poor. Esther 9:22

And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh- Matthew 2:11

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” 
― Mother Teresa

Why does gift giving still remain an omnipresent part of the Christmas season? I personally have always loved the gift part of Christmas. I love the creativity of coming up with gifts for others, coming up with unexpected things people want or wouldn’t buy for themselves, spending the time laughing over a funny gift or smiling over a thoughtful one. Gift giving was always a part of my family’s holiday celebration- and I have learned for some it is more a source of joy than for others. Cynics would say gift giving is just American materialism and consumerism taking over the holiday. Many complain the focus on gifts detracts from the holiday and makes for an uncomfortable obligation of buying gifts for others. Maybe part of that is true- I can see how rushing around worrying about gifts can tear us away from the love and joy of the Christmas celebration.

But I think that is too simple to write off the tradition of gift giving as a part of Christmas. After all, gift giving was a part of the Christmas story from the very start as the wise men brought the nicest of trade goods to Jesus Christ in the manger (see Matthew 2:11). So why give gifts? And how do gifts relate to God and the spirit of Christmas?

In my opinion, gift giving has historically been a symbol for recognition and appreciation. Gifts in many cultures have functioned as a symbolic exchange between people- groups large and small. Gifts foster unity between people- and represent things such as hospitality, peace, sacrifice and love. Here are some interesting tidbits about global gift giving and traditions surrounding it:

http://www.cloud9living.com/gift-giving-around-the-world/

So what do gifts really symbolize? I believe they get at the essence of generosity. See definition below:

generosity [ˌdʒɛnəˈrɒsɪtɪ]

1. willingness and liberality in giving away one's money, time, etc.; magnanimity

2. freedom from pettiness in character and mind

3. a giving act. 

Of course we can give gifts and not be being that generous. Is giving because you feel obligated to generous? I read a wall street journal article recently about how gift giving often insights more joy in the giver than the receiver. Does this mean gift giving is sometimes selfish? This article I know humbled me- because I know I have given gifts out of the hopes of being recognized or appreciated by others.

Even though this may be the case, I still do believe that gift giving can unlock the spirit of Christmas rather than detract from it. But I think it is not the gifts themselves, but rather the generosity behind them that makes the difference. I think the question is not- what gift should I/could I give this person? But rather- how can I be generous with this person? Gifts can be no doubt one way to do this- by spending a little extra on someone or giving them something that really makes a difference in their lives or brings them joy. Yet I believe there are multiple ways to accomplish sharing generosity at this time of year- maybe by calling a family member or friend you usually wouldn’t, or generously listening to someone rather than talking a lot at them, or maybe by doing most of the Christmas eve dishes. I think generosity is about giving to people in a way that makes a difference for them- not necessarily just in a way that makes us feel good. And this requires the rigor of putting our own egos aside and really being in-tune to those around us. I know this takes effort and is an unfortunately rare mindset for me to be consumed by- what does person x really want/need and how can I provide that for them?

Overall, I think the beauty of Christmas is it is a season of generosity. By being generous with one another- whether through our companionship, acts, words or physical gifts, we are creating a living metaphor for God’s most generous gift to mankind- his son. Jesus was a tangible, real gift- delivered in Bethlehem and wrapped in swaddling clothes. And within Jesus and in so many other ways- God fills our lives with the miraculous- with blessings uncountable and with an outpouring of generosity we could never hope to repay. And our chance to live in these blessings is to a) appreciate God and experience gratitude and b) be generous with others. So during the holiday- we give each other worldly things with love as God gives us divine gifts every day with love. Gifts are the birth and kindling to love, affinity, healing and many other good things, just as Jesus’ life was the birth of new love and affinity between God and mankind.

So my challenge is this- if you are inspired, maybe be generous with someone over the next couple days in a way you usually wouldn’t be. In a way that really makes a difference for someone else, even if it makes you uncomfortable or isn’t your usual way of doing things. I think this may unlock the spirit of Christmas in a new way for you.

And to all my friends and family members and anyone else who may happen to read this message- I hope you have a truly happy and wonderful Christmas- special and memorable in its own right to you and yours. I am grateful for you, the unique difference you make in the lives of others, and the many ways in which the world is lucky to have you in its midst. Thank you for being generous with me by reading this blog. I look forward to future sharing, affinity and conversation with you.

I will close with a link of something that inspires the Christmas spirit in me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QJ4TkIcSkk